Fake Pride In Fake Money
Fake Pride In Fake Money
We still don't care about your CXC grade ones, Dominica builds airport with CBI money
If the Dominican Republic joins CARICOM, the bloc’s population almost doubles. English would only be the dominant language by a few million speakers if so many. Let that sink in.
This is Disgruntled Musings, a compilation of quick commentary on the latest socio-political news and updates from across the Caribbean region.
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CXC results continue to cause concern.
Barbados Today
It’s no secret I couldn’t really care less about CXC (Caribbean Examinations Council) examinations given the almost sycophantic regards the region places on grade one counts, but even I can admit that alarms should be going off in the heads of regional leaders after the latest round of child torture.
Around 200,000 students took the exams this year and according to reports, less than 5% were able to scrape passes in 5 or more subjects. That’s rough when you realize they’re counting Math and English in that 5. I mean really you couldn’t even nab a 5 in I.T? History? Caribbean Studies?!
It makes you wonder if we’re finally seeing the echoes of lockdown reverberating through the quality of students, given the reduced effectiveness of education across the board during the pandemic. Should the CXC have adjusted its grading to account for all the new iPad doctors we’ll be seeing in a decade or so? I wouldn’t count on a proactive response from regional governments. Heck Barbados has been trying to abolish a single examination for almost a decade now.
Word of advice folks, lock the family doctor down now. Find your Dr Maharaj, Reid, Smith now. Can’t afford that? Everytime you walk into a new doctor’s office, ask them if they know what “Skibbidy toilet” means. If they do, run. Snap those IVs and leg it!
Barbados MTW completes $35 million paving programme
Barbados Today
The Barbados Ministry of Transport and Works proclaimed its recent Mill and Pave project completed, much to the confusion of the pothole residing directly in front of my house. These half hearted infrastructural burps always sprout up just before some major event is to be hosted on the island and fizzle as quickly as the closing ceremony of said event concludes. This time the Barbados government scrambled to repave as many roads as possible in time for the ICC T20 world cup, co-hosted by the United States. Ironically the funding for this slapdash effort to trick the world into thinking we give a damn, came from China. More interestingly the full amount of the loan for the Mill and Pave project was around 200 million. So I think I stand with the rest of my constituents in asking, “where’s the rest of it?”
We pulled something similar in 2007 for yet another ICC event. 70 brand new buses materialized out of thin air and anyone stationary for more than 3 business seconds found themselves buried under an inch of freshly laid bitumen. The mantra from the government back then was “we can’t take those roads back from you” to which the Barbados water authority replied “wanna bet?”
The original 200 million loan was to be put towards rehabilitating roads on the island’s east coast but any economist worth their salt knows Barbados treats loans a little differently. We borrow more to pay off other loans. In all likelihood the majority of that 200 million is already earmarked to settle some other heinous expense. At this rate Xi himself will have to fly from Beijing to Bridgetown and personally oversee any project he gives Barbados money for.
Caribbean Airlines to expand fleet
CH Aviation
Why pay out the nose to Copa Airlines to get to Panama when you could pay out the nose to Caribbean Airlines instead? Afterall home drums beat first or loudest, or… whatever. Caribbean Airlines is getting a few new jets to tackle routes into South America according to Trinidad’s energy minister Stuart Young. Currently CAL employs a fleet of Boeing 737s and a few ATRs, the buses with propellers. Those are all well and good for flights between Jamaica, Trinidad, Barbados and New York for people who've never heard of JetBlue, but the carrier is setting its sights on a more versatile line up. CAL’s been mulling the purchase of a few small Embraer jets to vacuum up LIAT’s old stomping grounds much to the annoyance of Fuhrer Gaston Browne but this new South America push could bring in a much needed access ramp for further links to our Latin American neighbors.
Or it could crash and burn spectacularly because there is a reason why very few services from the continent to the English speaking Caribbean survive very long? Remember GOL’s flight from Barbados to Fortaleza and Rio Brasil? Yea me neither. The only carrier who’re really seen some success is Copa and God knows it’s not their 3* service that keeps us coming. Copa uses a connecting program to keep the costs of their services low. This means that all flights from the Caribbean to any other destination via Copa Airlines will stop over in Panama. This brings in revenue and tourism to the Central American country and is so effective that often it is cheaper to fly to Florida from the the Southern Caribbean, via Panama on Copa than it is to fly directly there with American Airlines. How will CAL keep its prices low? I don’t know. I don’t know anyone dying to layover in Port of Spain to reach Bogota either.
Dominica announces international airport still on track
Caribbean News Now
The self-proclaimed nature island is undertaking several large development projects, key of which is the country’s international airport. Did you know Dominica didn’t have an international airport? Yes it’s got an airport, a shack with a runway called Douglas Charles, but it can’t handle any widebody planes or really anything bigger than a regional jet. For those of you who can’t visualize it, think of Ryannair, or Jetblue or Southwest. That airport can’t handle the planes that come to mind when you think of those three. That’s why small airlines like InterCaribbean, Air Antilles and LIAT (ha) are instrumental in Dominica’s connectivity to the greater region and the world.
Well, looks like they are keen to change that. Using money from the Citizenship By Investment (CBI) Program, ground has been broken, cleared and is currently being prepared for a 2800 ft runway and corresponding terminal. What is a Citizenship by Investment Program you ask? It’s a fancy way of saying you can buy a Dominican passport for a hefty sum of money and the government will use that money to do things like build roads etc. Around ¼ of Dominica’s yearly revenue is generated by this program, a risky enterprise sure but at present it could facilitate a much more robust tourism industry if this airport proves to be successful.
The promo by the Montreal Contractor building the airport imagines better connectivity to North America, Europe and laughably Asia. Asia? I don’t know if that was thrown in there just to tickle the fancy of CBIO customers but I can’t give you a single CARICOM state with any kind of feasible airlink to Asia, not even middle eastern Asia. But go ahead, dream big Dominica. Also who’s gonna tell Caribbean Airlines they won’t need regional jets to land at this new airport… oh well.
Speedround!
Jamaica’s Minister of Finance is drafted by the IMF, Antigua Joins CAF
Jamaica Observer, CAF
Dr Nigel Clarke is to be the next deputy managing director at the global institution. Looks like one of our boys made it to the big leagues. Funny how they have no problem hiring Caribbean folk but our governments balk at the idea of hiring competent foreigners to any high level of government. Prime Ministers Holness of Jamaica and Mottley of Barbados lauded the minister on his achievement, but given the high level of necessary expertise Mr Clarke represents, they should both be truly mourning the loss of one of the most skilled members of the island’s cabinet.
Antigua Joins CAF
The Development Bank of Latin America and the Caribbean just approved Antigua and Barbuda as a shareholder. Caribbean islands love loans. Banks give loans. This is pretty self explanatory.
Fake Pride In Fake Money
It’s time to let worthless symbols die
Today’s Long Talk is a heart to heart, with predominantly my Caribbean listeners. Take my hand. With the other hand reach into your pockets, your wallets, your Danish Cookie tins and pull out some cash. If Benjamin, Lincoln, Jackson, Hamilton or Grant aren’t staring back at you, it’s fake money. No, not counterfeit, fake. It ain’t worth a damn. If Nanny of the Maroons is there, it’s fake. If Errol Barrow is condescendingly glaring back, it’s fake. If for some bizarre reason, Elizabeth II is smiling at you from your money right now while you’re sitting on your porch in Grenada, sorry to say it. That money’s fake.
What I’m getting at here is that all the different currencies we use in the region that aren’t green, with “In God We Trust” emblazoned and with a dead US President on them are useless. Yes I know we get paid in them and they’re the only thing you can find around, but that is by design and not a design to your benefit.
Let’s cut to the chase. Those currencies shouldn’t exist. In fact to the vast majority of the planet they truly don’t. Hell, to my Trini neighbors, there’s no such thing as a Barbados Dollar and vice versa. We can’t use each other’s money. So much for the CARICOM thing right? But do you know what we all agree does exist? The US dollar. Virtually all Caribbean trade, internationally and even regionally amongst our sister states is done in cold hard USD. If I hit the jackpot in the lottery right now and decide to send all three of you listening a share here’s how that’s gonna go. I’m gonna go to the bank. I’m gonna enter your information and if you’re not in Barbados, my bank will take my local monopoly money, send the USD equivalent to your bank which will laugh at you while putting the local equivalent in your hands, in your weak ass currency.
So you may be asking? “Shem, why do these currencies exist?” What, you didn’t ask that? Too bad imma tell you why anyway. It’s really all about control by your government. By our governments. The governments of Trinidad, Jamaica, Antigua and so on. They need the USD, and badly. A long time ago, before TikTok, they all decided to break away from much stronger economies. We won’t go over the fine details of the separation, but in order to ensure that they couldn’t be controlled themselves by any foreign power, they moved to make their own money and take the reins on their own monetary policy. A noble cause right?
Wrong. That BS only works if your economy is worth more than 3 beach shells. And last I checked collectively the Caribbean is worth about 4. When globalization happened, reality should have really set in. No one outside of Barbados wants Barbados dollars. They are useless. But again, it’s really about control. You see the Barbados dollar allows the government to control fiscal policy, you know the taxes and exchange rate etc within the country. Prices on goods, all that stuff. But they’re bad at it so they embark on projects and terrible fiscal expenditures that require foreign resources to realize. The only way to buy those foreign resources is to use USD. And most of the time, our governments use foreign loans to make these purchases, which are also in USD and can only be repaid in USD. So they need to keep a stash of it on hand at all times, and they can’t have you a peasant chipping away at that stash.
So our governments sit there like Smaug on this mountain of proverbial gold, which enables them to do stupid things and make bad decisions and in order to maintain this pile they enact Foreign Exchange controls, making their problem, effectively your problem as well. The local currencies were never created for your benefit. They were created so that your government could continue to spend irresponsibly with little oversight.
What followed the creation of these currencies was what I consider to be one of the greatest propaganda campaigns any of these belligerent rocks has ever pulled off. You see, Caribbean governments have convinced us, the average citizens, that this is OUR currency now. This is your money. We are told that it is a symbol of national pride, when they have effectively barred you from using the currency that the rest of the planet uses and accepts, so that they can spend USD freely. To bolster the illusion they’ve placed all manner of other national symbols on these notes. Your heroes, your monuments, flora, fauna and mottos. And now you cling to these useless bills and don’t even question the nonsensical nature of their existence. Whenever you leave this region you must convert it to the currency used by the developing world, be it USD, Pounds or Euros. The ultimate sign of cognitive dissonance is how proudly we look upon the exchange rates of our currencies. 1 USD is 2 BBD, 7 TTD, far too many JMD.
We value USD far more than our own currencies not because of US propaganda but because the USD actually has value. So why do we persist in using these shadow currencies instead of the real deal? Why aren’t we asking our government to drop the charade and give us access to the currency that powers? The global market? Making the switch wouldn’t be hard. Panama, Ecuador and other Latin American states have already done it. Argentina dreams of doing it when it stabilizes. Barbados could complete the transition in just two days. Simply divide all bank deposits by 2 and tell the citizens to bring their fake money to the banks for some sweet USD.
Remember, as explained earlier the US government wouldn’t gain anymore control than it already has over our economies. We already trade exclusively in USD with everyone else. But it’s not a change for the sake of change. Switching to the US Dollar or dollarizing, would provide real and tangible benefits. You wouldn’t have to worry about expensive exchanges at foreign ATMs or airports. You could shop on Amazon with much less ambiguity. But even more importantly, your government can manipulate the value of the dollar by just printing a shitload of it when they want more BMWs for their friends. And they can’t pay public servants with money worth less than toilet paper after the resulting inflation implodes its value. Dollarization for the tiny economies just makes more sense.
I’m gonna let go of your hand now. I did this because I care. Because I want you to access global commerce with no blocks to real money. Because I get paid by the CPSI in USD but then my bank converts it to shitty Barbados Dollars, and I want USD too. It’s time that we demand better. Now put the fake money back into your wallet.